What began as an at-home interview turned into a social media nightmare.
Hannah Neeleman, mother of eight and co-owner of Ballerina Farm, a Utah farm that sells mountain-raised meat and home goods, according to its website, sat down with The Times UK to answer questions about life on the farm as a mother, wife and business owner. The article, titled “Meet the queen of the ‘trad wives’ (and her eight children),” sparked uproar across the internet, particularly on TikTok, where the Neelemans have curated a social media presence and 9.6 million followers. The issue at hand? That she was being held hostage in her marriage.
Accusations about her lifestyle and husband, Daniel Neeleman, ran rampant as the article picked apart her “tradwife” lifestyle, a label used to describe women who encourage traditional, often gender-based roles in heterosexual marriages. Though Neeleman herself has refused to label herself as such, the term bears an oppressive connotation, in which, according to PAVE, an organization that promotes awareness and supports survivors of sexual violence, romanticizes traditional gender roles and encourages the patriarchal structure in western society. The lifestyle is also commonly attributed to uphold Christian values, though, not all self-proclaimed tradwifes subscribe to the religious aspect of the trend. Some say the internet phenomenon aims to combat lower birth rates in the United States, which has dropped from 3.65, close to the societal peak of the “nuclear family” in the ‘50s and ‘60s, to 1.64 in 2024, according to World Bank data. Seems a little “Handmaids Tale”-esque from that angle, but I digress.
For Neeleman, who lives on a 328-acre farm in Kamas, Utah with her husband and eight children: Henry, 12; Charles, 10; George, 9; Frances, 7; Lois, 5; Martha, 3; Mabel, 2 and infant Flora, began with dreams of a dancing career — studying ballet at The Juilliard School in New York City. However, according to the farm’s website, this changed once she met her future husband, Daniel Neeleman.
“The summer before my senior year at Juilliard I met Daniel and fell in love. They say, ‘once you know, you know,’ and I was sure I’d met the love of my life. We dated only a couple of months before getting married. It was the best decision I ever made,” the ‘About Ballerina Farm’ page reads.
For the Neelemans, God and family come first and everything else second, she said in a video she made in light of The Times’ article and the controversy that followed. Although I would not live her life and do not share some of her values, it is not my place, or anyone’s place, for that matter, to hurl accusations of abuse and weaponized incompetence — especially considering those in her and her husband’s comment sections have likely never met or spoken to her about her life and how she feels about it. I will admit, though, the egg apron would have definitely irked me, for those who know. Take her to Greece, Daniel!
And while there are women who seek to undermine gender equality by promoting oppressive gender roles, I do not believe it a feminist perspective to tear a grown woman down for her choices. Especially one who is capable of directing her own life and not at the beck and call of a feature article. It assumes the worst of women — that we are helpless, trapped in these subservient roles and needing the help of strangers from the internet in the form of death threats, doxxing and online harassment. While women’s issues like sexual assault and gender discrimination are ever-prevalent, this outrage over a woman choosing a life of farm work, having a small army of children and running a business does not push an empowering agenda, to say the least. Instead, we should uplift all women, the women who choose motherhood over a career, those who choose a career over motherhood and the vast number of women who fall somewhere in between.
Moreover, ethical journalism should strive to report on women of all walks of life, not just those who suit the reporter’s narrative. A mantra I learned about reporting was to minimize harm, especially when reporting about people’s lives and livelihoods — not to mention covering a family. To me, it was clear the article had an agenda from the beginning, and it is another example of the consequences of irresponsible journalism.
