President Donald Trump will receive all of Santa’s coal this year, Santa announced during a press conference yesterday.
“Donald Trump has been a very naughty boy,” Santa said. “That is why he will receive all my coal. Everyone can thank him for sacrificing himself to save Christmas with the bad choices he has made.”
The Trump Administration denies accusations the president has done anything wrong. They released a statement calling Santa “woke” and “not real.” The message has received major backlash, especially from parents, whose children believe in Santa.
Santa said he is real and a resident of the North Pole. Trump has now led his administration to not recognize the North Pole as a place. The unrecognition of the North Pole has led to some issues with NASA as they study the Earth’s magnetic field.
“I don’t care about NASA,” Trump said. “I mean, I do, but surely they can figure something out. People believed the sun orbited around us for many years. Al Gore doesn’t believe the North Pole exists either.”
Gore dismissed Trump’s claim and said there is a difference between the polar ice caps and the poles themselves. Gore has volunteered to take the coal off Trump’s hands to destroy it before Trump sells it to coal power plants to burn.
Susan Herring, mother of a newborn who used to mail Santa letters, called the feud “stupid.” She said Trump has to ruin everything, and he deserves the coal.
Unfortunately, Trump’s denial of the existence of the North Pole was not the most concerning thing to come out of Washington, D.C. yesterday. He also thought of dinner plans.
“The late, great Hannibal Lecter would often have a friend for dinner,” Trump said. “Perhaps, Santa would be a tasty snack.”
Time will tell if Santa will follow through with his plan to deliver coal to Trump. Internal memos from Santa’s workshop suggest Santa is scared to fly over the White House to make his delivery after Trump’s dinner suggestion.
