Satire: Baptism in Smith Mall canal at UIndy

Reports of a baptism in the Smith Mall canal has students curious about the occasion. 

Last month, a figure wearing a black Adidas track suit was discovered taking a plunge in the canal by UIndy police. The figure was revealed to be Joe Snells, a guy who walked from the IndyGo Red Line bus stop.

“I really loved the clean water,” Snells said. “The water had this crisp and holy sense to it. I felt connected to the Earth while in the canal.”

Snells said his plunge was rudely interrupted by UIndy police a little after 10:45 p.m. that night. Since he really enjoyed the canal, he wanted a second chance to enjoy it. He came up with the idea to have a baptism in the canal.

Two weeks ago, Snells got the opportunity to achieve his dream of getting baptized in the UIndy canal. A preacher visiting campus helped in the impromptu ceremony.

“This guy was sitting by the canal and he jumped in,” Rev. Giorgio Ammann said. “I decided to rush over because I thought he was going to drown. He looked up at me and asked ‘Will you baptize me, sir?’”

Rev. Ammann blessed the water in the canal, allowing the baptism to take place. He said he almost ended up going for a plunge with Snells, as he was pulling him down into the water. 

“The water was different from my first plunge, I could not tell if it was the algae or the declaration making it holy water,” Snells said. “As I felt the water rush over me, I felt transported to a different world. I wanted the reverend to join me and feel what I was feeling.”

Ammann said this was not his first experience baptising someone in an unconventional place, as he has also baptized people in the Indiana Central Canal. He said the Smith Mall canal had its pros and cons, with it being critter free but a little shallow when compared to other outdoor venues. 

Snells said he will continue to visit Smith Mall, but he will stay out of the water. He might not have a choice for several months as UIndy has now drained the canal for winterization.