Don’t rush the ring.
It seems as if every time I log on to my Facebook account, I am bombarded with the news that yet another one of my Facebook friends has become engaged.
There would be no problem with this if these couples were in committed, long-term relationships. Oftentimes, though, the couple has been in a relationship for fewer than six months and known each other for that amount of time.
Why? If you’re in your early 20s, as most of these couples are (at least, in my circle of Facebook friends), you have plenty of time to get to know your significant other before rushing into marriage. It can take years to really get to know another person—not only his or her personality, but also his or her habits and idiosyncrasies.
Sometimes, a significant other may have an annoying habit with which a person cannot live. This isn’t something that should be discovered after marriage and potentially lead to divorce. This is something that should be discovered before marriage.
This does not apply only to people in their 20s, but to people of all ages.
No wonder we’re a country with such a high divorce rate.
An article entitled “Getting to Know Someone Is a Life-Long Process,” published in July on www.psychologytoday.com, suggests that people get engaged no earlier than after six months of dating and then wait at least another year to get married. This way, each person in the relationship can see how the other chooses to grow, rather than try to change the other’s behavior.
The famous tell-it-like-it-is Dr. Phil McGraw has on his website advice for women who are rushing into marriage.
He said for women to take a step back and look at what they’re focusing on. Is it a fantasy wedding, or a marriage?
Weddings and receptions last one day. Marriages last a lifetime—at least, they’re supposed to.
Dr. Phil also addressed the social pressures to get married. He said that sometimes women grow up with the idea that marriages are “rites of passage” and that women don’t become adults until they are married. He stressed that this is not true, and that adulthood is not defined by marriage.
Social pressure also can increase by the fact that peers are getting married. However, the decision to get married should be based only on the people in the relationship, not pressure from outside sources.
Dr. Phil stressed the importance of having serious talks about important issues before committing to marriage. These discussions should include such topics as children, religion, careers and geography. These are issues that profoundly affect the lives of the people involved, and should be discussed before marriage.
Couples need to slow down. The divorce rate is high enough in this country—we don’t want to make it any higher. People need to spend more time in a relationship before getting married.
The longer two people are together, the more they learn about each other. Identifying behaviors that you can and can’t live with is crucial, and something that should be determined before marriage. Waiting to get married can prevent a future divorce.
