The Online Reflector

Domestic violence victim Renita Hills shared her story on March 28 in UIndy Hall in an event entitled “Voice of the Victim.” Hills began the lecture with a series of rhetorical questions to show the audience that domestic abuse does not have an easily recognized face.

“If you look at me right now, would you think that my husband shook me? That he beat me? That he stabbed me 13 times? No? Well, guess what, you are looking at a face of domestic violence,” Hills said.

Hills is a college-educated mother of three now-adult children. She said she lived with her abuser for 15 years, eight of which they were married. After 15 years of abuse the couple separated. The husband established rights to see his then five-year-old daughter, Cassandra.

During the relationship, Hills said she was emotionally abused daily. She gave examples of the emotional abuse.

“I was told that I didn’t cook well enough, that the only thing I ever did right was give birth and, at six feet tall, that I was too fat,” Hills said.

The physical abuse did not start until 18 months after they had separated. Her husband came to pick-up Cassandra, but the routine visit took a turn for the tragic when he threatened to kill Hills if she did not move back in with him.

Hills said she blacked out during the incident, but she was stabbed 13 times with a butchers knife. Hills’ wounds included punctured lungs, a split-open head and a bruise on her arm from where he stepped on her to hold her down. The case eventually went to court and the abuser served three years in jail and approximately two to three years in a penitentiary.

Hills gave a personal definition of abuse, saying that domestic abuse has many levels: mental, emotional, financial and spiritual.

“If anyone makes you feel less than you know you are, you are being abused,” Hills said.

According to domesticviolence.org, examples of abuse include name-calling or putdowns, keeping a partner from contacting family or friends, stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job, actual or threatened physical harm, sexual assault, stalking and intimidation.

Hills said her husband received rehabilitation therapy in jail while he awaited trial, but she and her children did not receive this type of help.

“He received all the therapies he needed, but we, the people who had to go through it [the abuse], had to pay for our therapies. All the while, my tax dollars were paying for him to be rehabilitated,” Hills said.

As a result of her injuries, Hills said she was disabled for one year. To help her recover, her son put off college for a semester and her daughter sacrificed activities from her senior year in high school. Not only did the older children suffer, but Cassandra was traumatized, and would not even shower alone, for fear of the incident happening all over again. Hills was able to receive help, receiving an offer for pro bono therapy.

“It showed a firsthand account of domestic abuse,”  said Residence Hall Director at Cory Bretz Jacqueline Payne. “[The speech] was a good opportunity to understand the side of the victim and gain knowledge of the empowerment and bravery of women,” Payne said.

Near the end of the speech, Hills offered advice for overcoming the past as she has done.

“No matter what your bad [problem] is, you can overcome it,” Hills said. “Don’t let your past keep you from your destiny. You must use your past to catapult yourself into the future.”

Hills explained that mental and emotional abuse can stick around long after physical scars heal.

“I don’t notice the scars anymore, but what I do notice is the voice in my head saying: ‘You’re fat, you’re stupid and you can’t cook at all,’” Hills said. “I still fight every day the things he said to me.”

UIndy students who may be victims of abuse can go to the Health and Counseling Center for help. Resources for domestic abuse victims are available at ICADV.org.