The Online Reflector

College relationships can present struggles and hardships, but according to several University of Indianapolis students, these relationships are also beneficial.

Sophomore history major Samantha Brown said that the struggles attached to college dating does not apply to her.

“[Having a boyfriend in college is] beneficial. I’m not out there looking for someone,” Brown said. “I’m happy with him and he makes sure I do my homework when I see him.”

Brown met her boyfriend of two years, Army National Guardsman Joshua Dillard, in Circle Centre Mall. She saw him with other members of the National Guard and stopped by to thank him for his service to the country. The two began a conversation and have been dating since March 20, 2010.

Sophomore exploratory major Theresa Schott has been with her boyfriend since her senior year in high school.

Although it was difficult for her entering into college already in a relationship, she is thankful that she had her boyfriend to help her through the transition.

“Becoming a freshman in college was nerve-wracking, but having him [my boyfriend] by my side really encouraged me to come out of my shell and meet new people,” she said.

Counseling Center Director Kelly Miller offered her advice for maintaining healthy dating relationships in college.

“In a healthy relationship, there is a movement from ‘me to we’ in terms of how you prioritize your relationship,” she said. “You maintain healthy independence yet focus on your shared goals, values and interests that promote a sense of closeness and deepening connectedness and intimacy.”

Brown said that going to college did not affect her relationship negatively, and that she and Dillard went on as if nothing had changed.

“Me going to college didn’t really affect our relationship,” she said. “We already were used to going around my school schedule to see each other, along with his work one.”

Brown also said that there are challenges that stem from dating a National Guardsman. She is nervous about Dillard’s safety when he is away from her.

“[I wish] that I [had] met him earlier,” she said. “Granted, that would mean I would have already been through a deployment and wouldn’t be freaking out as bad about the upcoming one.”

In addition to anxiety about her boyfriend’s safety, Brown said that if it weren’t for his involvement in the Army, the two of them would not have met.

“You could say that’s what brought us together,” she said. “When I thanked him for his service, he wouldn’t give up on making me his girlfriend. It has made us stronger, knowing that he’ll have to leave and fight, and I have to be his backbone back home.”

Schott, too, has been able to bond with her boyfriend despite the fact that her boyfriend goes to IUPUI.

“If you don’t make an effort to spend time with the person you’re with, the relationship will disintegrate for sure,” she said.

Miller said that each party brings different ingredients to the relationship, and the key is to manage those ingredients well.

“You both have to have a commitment to seeking out shared values that bring you together,” she said.

Brown and Schott advise other college couples not to allow a relationship to become more important than academics.

“Do your best to find someone that doesn’t make you act a certain way or be someone other than who you are,” Brown said.  “College is supposed to be fun. Don’t let your significant other take that away from you.”