Laying down the law
By Manny Casillas | Editorial Assistant
One of my favorite programs is “Real Time With Bill Maher”, and of course, his segment New Rules. As we close on yet another semester at UIndy, I’d like to take this opportunity to present my own set of new rules pertaining to this school. Here we go:
New Rule: Hanna Ave. has to be renovated and finished before the next Guns ’N Roses album is released. When I saw the construction finally taking place along the street I thought to myself: ‘I think Godot has just shown up at my street.’
New Rule: If you’re stealing books on campus, try not to get caught by campus police stealing a criminal justice book.
Seriously, the definition of irony reads as such: the use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning.
However, the definition of stupid now reads: the book thief who got caught by campus police stealing a criminal justice book!
New Rule: The old elevator in Esch Hall needs to stop sounding as if its feeding as it moves. This is just nice to have, cause that thing scares me sometimes.
New Rule: Something must be done about the smell on the guy’s end of Cory Bretz Hall. You know what I’m talking about.
New Rule: Would it kill UIndy to make HBO and Showtime available in the dorms? During the months of the school semester, how am I supposed to get my fix of “True Blood”, “Weeds” and “In Treatment”? It’s not as if no one would ever go to class again if those channels were available to us. Right?
New Rule: If nothing is going to be done with that empty building that used to be Low Bill Foods, then I see a new dorm on the horizon. Honestly, it isn’t that inconceivable to see students showering and sleeping on spots where dairy and produce once stood.
New Rule: Professors should just start assigning homework via Facebook. In an effort for UIndy to be more environmentally friendly, professors are trying things like TurnItIn.com and MyCompLab.com to accept assignments. These Web sites, and others like them are without a doubt the most annoying sites ever. We’re all on Facebook already. Perhaps in the future we’ll become so technologically dependent that we’ll have class on Facebook chat.
New Rule: Let’s change UIndy’s slogan from ‘Education For Service’ to ‘Education For Service When You Decide To Start Hiring,’ just in an effort to be timely.
New Rule: When we buy books, from now on the bookstore has to give us a free gift. I understand it can’t be a toaster, but how about a backpack, a can opener, or a box of ramen noodles. Basically anything that tells us we won’t starve and shrivel after we make purchases.
That’s my two cents. Have a great Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, et. al. See you in January.
