To sex or not to sex?
By Kim Puckett | News Editor
“To be or not to be” is not just a conundrum plaguing Hamlet or an over-used phrase from early 1600s theatre, but a necessary dilemma that every young woman confronts. The quandaries, to be or not to be sexually involved, to be or not to be promiscuous, to be or not to be abstinent, pound inside the heads of college-age women. The real question is what tools do we have to solve these puzzles of the heart?
Some men, and maybe some women, may be thinking, “Puzzles of the heart? I thought we were talking about sex here, not love.” But to most women, excluding those Sex and the City’s Samantha Jones types, emotion factors into every sex-related decision.
Weighing the pros and cons of becoming sexually involved, whether for the first time or in a new relationship, constitutes one of the hardest balancing acts young women face. Although modern women may regard the 1950s as irrelevant to their lives as the Stone Age, an insightful 1957 The Atlantic magazine article by Nora Johnson accurately depicts the internal struggle of women in the 21st century.
“Our liberally educated girl is not very likely to be swept away on a tide of passion. With the first feeling of lust, her mind begins working at a furious rate. Should she or shouldn’t she? What are the arguments on both sides? Does she really want to enough? And so on, until her would-be lover throws up his hands in despair and curses American womanhood.”
Even though the Lotharios of today’s dating game are no longer staking their claims by asking us to wear their lettermen sweaters or pinning us with their fraternity crests, the pressure to “put out” remains as strong. Somewhere right now, a man who was once gentlemanly and educated has lost all sense of chivalry (that panting beast) thanks to escalating hormones and the prospect of a chance for action. Although women may be experiencing an equal hormonal surge, it is our responsibility to keep our heads on our shoulders.
No matter what the experience level, choosing to have sex is not a simple decision for most young women. Giving in to sexual urges may seem like the best way to relieve the pressure, but after “giving it up,” the situation gets exponentially complicated.
A constant feeling of indecision and insecurity takes over, threatening to crash as a destructive tidal wave of regret. The only sure-fire ways to ease the uneasiness are to accept the decisions of sexuality, learn from them and evaluate them with girlfriends. Living a life without regret is ideal, but living a life without a conscience is impossible.
An individual woman should be the master of her decisions, after studying her own convictions and constantly pouring over the possibilities with those closest to her.
The only decisions women can make are the ones that best reflect what is in our heads and hearts. Emotion can never be checked at the door when entering the nightclub of sexual experience. With the conundrums of a 17th century playwright and with the assistance of a 20th century writer, all women have the means to unscramble the word-search puzzles of lust and logic, finding the letters lined-up to spell pride, respect and love, but finding no signs of shame, insecurity or regret
