Searching for normalcy
Adrian Kendrick | Managing Editor
It’s kind of funny because we’ve been married for about a year now, but we’ve only spent seven weeks together.
University of Indianapolis junior international relations major Sarah VanVlerah has endured all the hardships of her husband, Joshua VanVlerah, being a part of the war in Iraq. He has been in Iraq since September after being stationed in Alaska for a year.
We started off as best friends, so when he first told me he enlisted in the war, I patted him on the back and said, ‘It’ll be good for you–bye’.
She nods her head as her eyes brighten and you can see her love for him just by glimpsing at her eyes.
Then I realized oh, I love this man!
The hardest part is not being able to talk to him any moment I want to. We are looking forward to having our actual wedding ceremony when he comes home. When he first got stationed in Alaska in two weeks notice we got married. I flew out to Alaska and we did it, but we had to promise the moms we would have a real ceremony when he gets back.
VanVlerah does not agree with the adage ‘out of sight, out of mind.’ She believes separation from her husband has made her love for him grow.
By being apart we learned that no matter how hard things get we made the decision to be together,and that’s what we’re striving for. He always says, “we make such a good team lady,” because we’re both willing to put forth the work even when it’s frustrating. We’re learning how to function by ourselves, although we would much rather take care of each other.
VanVlerah studies the war in Iraq. She believes being closely connected to the war has caused her to have trouble with it.
What I want is for him to just come home.
It’s hard because of all the controversy in Iraq. I get a little nervous when I have to tell someone my husband is over there. Because on one hand you have a strong population of people who do not believe in the war and then some are supportive. I personally am not too thrilled with the situation over there. It’s hard!
She becomes quiet and fiddles with the colorful scarf around her neck as her eyes begin to express sadness. VanVlerah has now been able to deal with her emotions in the midst of her husband’s absence. She has learned to share her emotions with others.
When you’re walking down the hall and you see a group of friends and they ask, “How are you?” You say fine because it’s so automatic, but then there are days when I’m not fine, and I say I’m working on it.
I haven’t heard from Josh in awhile.
People are so supportive. I am so blessed!
All Josh’s friends’ wives and children are in Alaska and it’s just me here. They are the army wife community. It’s strange because I’m an army wife, but I certainly do not feel like it. I need to be around my friends so they can keep me distracted as opposed to living in Alaska and dwelling on it all the time with other army wives. It would be like opening a wound over and over again.
I just think of myself as Josh’s wife, not an army wife. I always struggle with that title. I hate being labeled that way, or having to define everything by service. I understand that it definitely influences us and shapes us, but it doesn’t define us.
I mean yeah,
he’s a soldier,
he’s in the army,
but he’s Joshua.
He’s a snowboarder, bike-rider, cook, husband, son, brother, brother-in-law, son-in-law, cousin, nephew and a grandson.
I’m an army wife, but I’m also best friend and a student. You know, an army wife is just one small aspect.
She waits in anticipation until March 2010 when Joshua will return home. To keep track of the days, she has a counter on her computer. If he were here now we would dance and go out to eat dinner.
I just miss having my best friend around.
