7-List: Ways to make your Myspace music page look legitimate
By Marcus Whalbring, Entertainment Editor
I look for new music all the time. Usually the most effective way to do that, for me, is to find a favorite musician or band on Myspace and see who their friends are. I’ve found a few that I like, and, of course, I’ve found a few that make me want to listen to William Hung. At least he’s entertaining enough. But through my connoisseurship of new artists, I have discovered certain patterns in the Myspace pages of big name and aspiring musicians, particularly in the Indie rock persuasion. This list carries the most ridiculous but, at times, factual ways to make a Myspace music page look legitimate. For any musicians out there who fit these descriptions, I may seem to be poking fun at you. Don’t worry. I am.
7. Top friends. It’s not important that you know the people in your top friends list. You’re trying to show people that you like certain musicians, support certain causes or carry an affinity for certain writers, artists, etc. I guess musicians like to pretend that, within the scope of the music world, there exists a camaraderie. You have to pretend that you’re actually friends too, so make sure you write little comments on their walls like “hey let’s get together and jam again sometime,” even though you’ve never met them. It helps the process of trying to convince yourself that you’ve made it into the club.
6. Pictures with songs. On Myspace, you have the option of pairing a song with a little picture that pops up when it’s clicked. Take advantage of this. Many musicians get lazy and just show the album cover on which the song played. You’re more pretentious than that. Make sure there’s a picture of a silhouetted dove flying in the sky, so you’ll look deep. If you’re an Indie rocker it needs to be more obscure, something random like a picture of Freddy Kruger, even though it’s a love song or something. Trust me. This does wonders.
5. Layout. Your first impulse will be to put a huge picture of a landscape or a picture of the band or musician in the background. Stop. You’re making a mistake. Solid colors are key. You can even resist the temptation to apply a certain layout to your background. You’ll look more grounded that way, like you care about the music man, the music.
4. The “sounds like” section. Originally, this section was meant for musicians to list other musicians they felt they sounded like. Now that just makes you look like a poser, a musician who can’t find a sound of your own. So what do you put here? It’s simple. You need one phrase that sounds absolutely ridiculous. “Sounds like: the burning shades of an empty house,” is a good example. Something cheesy about your past could work too. “Sounds like: a crazy kid who found his dad’s old record collection and fell in love with the sultry sounds of folk.” It’s up to you.
3. Influences. You only have to remember two things: The Beatles and Bob Dylan. You don’t have to have both, just one or the other. But neither one can be the first musician on the list. That’s too obvious. I know you don’t really like Dylan. You’re more influenced by John Mayer. You can’t put that. He’s too modern. And if you’re a hard rock band, you have to have Led Zeppelin or Black Sabbath.
2. Influences that aren’t musical. So you don’t want to list the musicians you like. You’re too afraid you’ll look like you’re not interested in an original sound, right? Not to worry. You can put a laundry list of cheesy little images that inspire you. It really looks cool, and people will think you’re deep. This really only applies to singer/songwriter types though. “Long talks over coffee, the way the light hits the trees just right, squirrels, a fresh box of Milk Duds, the first page of a really good book, etc.” This may even be better for you than listing musicians.
1. Your picture. Are you looking at the camera? Well stop it. And don’t smile. You have to look pensive. You may want to remove the color too. It’ll look better in black and white. You could also wash it over with some funky Photoshop effect. That might look cool. The point is that you may not have an album yet, so you can’t use an album cover to represent you. But you want to look serious, artistic and over the top. Your picture will say all of that.
